[concord]

Khalil Gibran
I got ahold of a book by Gibran. (don't get scared now, i know that the topic of religion gets most people a little defensive) The title of the book is Jesus, the Son of Man.

So it's like no other book i've ever read. The book is told from the point of view of many people that Jesus encountered. For example, Mary Magdalene talks about how she was affected by Him, while James relates the first time Judas challenged Jesus.

The book describes the Messiah differently from the Bible. In this book, Jesus laughs, cries, and gets angry. This is Jesus' more human side rather than the Godlike side on which the Bible focuses. Various Nazareans talk about Jesus' beauty, his gait, the effect of his parables on the people. Every page has given me more respect for Him than I had before. I suppose it's because the book speaks in a way that gives Christ more dimension. Someone palpable.

I'll leave you with a quote from Anna, the Mother of Mary describing Jesus as a boy:

"Oftentimes He would take away our food to give to the passerby. And He would give other children the sweetmeat I had given Him, before He had tasted it with His own mouth.
He would climb the trees of my orchard to get the fruits, but never to eat them Himself.

And he would race with other boys, and sometimes, because He was swifter of foot, He would delay so that they might pass the stake ere He should reach it..."

[berkeley]

demian
I finished Hermann Hesse's book "Demian," which is about the struggle against conformity in order to find and follow the path to one's true self.

Even when Emil Sinclair, the narrator, was only 10 years old, he sensed that he belonged to both the world of light (that is, the comforting world of his parents) and to that of darkness. He recognized that his fate led to more than a life limited to the world of light.

What i found most notable wasn't so much the inner struggle between light and darkness, but Emil's battle against remaining in a world of familiarity. He was afraid to accept and acknowledge the path to his true self because he did not know where it led. Safety lay in his mother's lap, in the warm living room where his family celebrated Christmas. Uncertainty lurked in the far reaches of his mind, questioning religion and morality.

Similarly, I too struggle with familiarity and uncertainty. The well worn path of security and predictability, in my case, is my internship. The uncertainty lies in my intent to pursue Art rather than Science. Working in a consulting firm will build my resume, but i imagine writing computer code all day and perhaps working overtime will prevent me from participating in more artistic endeavors.

As long as i continue to remind myself that corporate america is just a stop along the way, however, I should be able to stick to my photographic guns. I promise Corporate America will not be my final destination.

with that said
The preceding words smack of last summer's blog entries, so I suppose it would be good to show that I've grown up even a tiny bit since then. I don't mean to convey bitterness towards my internship. It'll be exciting to see what challenges will cross my path. Goodness knows last summer was a great experience and I miss my coworkers.

Okay, unfortunately yahoo! figured out how to prevent me from using them as an image host.

So you'll need to go here to see the two new pictures i printed.

Here's one of Isabella, will post the other, more artistic one later...

[apartment six]

>>now that you're listening, let me tell you what i need...
i've been trying to analyze just what it is I feel inside my heart, but now i realize it don't have to be so hard<< India.Arie's "Simple"

vroom vroom squeak squeak
Yesterday was as excellent as Wednesday. After a two hour nap, I rode all over Berkeley looking for cheap bike tires. I rode from University all the way to the Safeway on College. It was a beautiful day. After going all the way to the Oakland border, I decided to buy tires at The Missing Link on University, haha. It was a good workout, I saw lots of rich people's houses.

Soo, I bought Continental brand tires. The ride is soo much smoother than it was before. I suppose anything's better than riding on 20-year-old rubber. They say Continental is the leading tire brand, so I'm pretty happy.

photos
I picked up a few pictures that I printed in the darkroom on Wednesday afternoon. I'll post one or two of them later today.

(happy now gary?)

very funny:
conan o'brien's commencement address to the Harvard class of 2000

[berkeley]

>>...<< Miles Davis' "Freddie Freeloader"

oops
It turns out that kettle corn is a completely different thing than i thought. The popcorn at the albatross is freshly popped, so it's like movie theater popcorn, but it's definitely not kettle corn.

Sorry that was totally misleading. I have never had kettle corn. Perhaps when the 3 musketeers join forces they can educate me and we can go buy some. Wouldn't that be excellent?

And another thing :: I have yet to eat at this Sushi Sam's that gary and bev speak so highly of.

[berkeley]

The link that phatz wrote about the finish line is right here.

Thanks Jesse for finding it :o)

[berkeley]

>>give me a kiss to build a dream on, so my imagination can thrive upon that kiss<< Louis Armstrong's "A Kiss to Build a Dream On"

tread
After being on gym hiatus since last Thursday, I ran 3.6 miles this morning on the treadmill. After those past few days of inactivity, it gets easier not to go, but while i was running today, I remembered why I like working out. Whatever they say about endorphins is really true.

[berkeley]

siddhartha complete
I went to the Albatross to read Siddhartha and eat lotso kettle corn. I found it sort of ironic that Siddhartha praises the beauty of minimalism, of fasting and patience. And here i was stuffing my face with as much kettle corn as possible. You really can't beat all you can eat freshly made popcorn for $0.25.

But yeah. Siddhartha was/is tremendous. There are so many things i want to improve about myself now.

Tomorrow is going to be amazing.

[berkeley]

the day has come
So now it's up to me to do everything i'm not usually able to do. Tonight i think i'll go to the Albatross and have lots of kettle corn while reading Siddhartha. But until then, i'll work a little on my blog template, maybe run a few miles or ride my bike and go to the practice rooms to play some piano.

[berkeley]

fried
Just taking a two minute break before I go back for more learning. I was talking to bern about being finished with finals soon. And then.

And then i remembered the blog entry that Christian wrote about "the end". It's no longer online, otherwise i would link it, but the gist of it was that most everyone lives life working towards the little speed bumps. Cruising and then slowing down and getting past an obstacle and cruising again. "When i finish my finals, i can start doing the fun stuff again. When i finally get that raise, i can go and do X, Y, and Z. As soon as I pay off the car, i can work on doing T, U, and V."

I try not to live that way. I try to make sure that i'm not living in the waiting room, wishing i was somewhere else or waiting for my turn. Once in a while, or perhaps most of the time, school makes that difficult to do. I try to make adventures out of my weekends, and yet I haven't learned to really let go of my Freshman self.

I'm trying to take more risks. How funny. Studying less = taking risks. uy-vey.

[apartment 6]

I had two finals today. I could feel my brain slowing down. That even if it was a pressure situation, i just wanted it to be done so i could take a nap. Must study for final tomorrow. Choo-choo. I'm the little engine that could.

yes I know it's not great looking. Will probably change completely in a few days. ;o)

will add blogback after tuesday. and links too. :o)

[berkeley]

i have yet to find a template with which i'm fully satisfied. until then, expect random changes such as this one (which will be replaced soon).

[berkeley]

Happy 21st Birthday Pamela

[valley life sciences library]

on a two minute studying break
Yikes. time is running out and i'm not at all getting to the level of preparation i'd like to be. No choice really. trying my best. will be finished soon.

[social sciences library]

ahoy
Yes, i'm way out in my own world. Finals week is now in full swing and i've been focusing on those for the past two days. I'm happy and sad that my finals are hitting me in one fell swoop. One this Saturday, two on Monday, one on Tuesday. finished.

So until then, you know where I'll be.

Don't worry, i take breaks. I even made couscous yesterday. Parmesan couscous. can we say yum?

[berkeley]

>>...<< Coltrane's "I Think"

off track
It's funny, you know? Ever since i left my camera at my feet, rendering it useless for the past few months, i've been feeling a little off kilter. I used to think it was stress from school, but it dawned on me. A day or two ago. It wasn't midterms, it wasn't homework, it wasn't my inability to understand Partial Wave Scattering in my quantum class. It wasn't the sum of my responsibilities at school that was getting me. I think part of me, and perhaps all of me, is telling me i should be sticking my face behind a camera rather than behind a book. I can't describe it. I can't avoid making this entry sound cliche. Nevertheless.

Nevertheless, i know that everything clicked when i was shooting. Everything clicked into place when my photo teacher gave me motivation. Gears started turning when he told me I could get into any photo program out there. really? me? me.

[berkeley]

>>how I wish, how I wish you were here
we're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl<< Radiohead's "Wish You Were Here"

Friday's adventure
After a not as great lecture in fluid mechanics, Alex and I needed to run some errands.

Alex needed a large manila envelope to send something to NJ and I needed to buy a copy of Siddhartha because I was smart enough to leave Victor's copy in the library yesterday.

Hunger struck. Alex and I fought back by hitting up "Coffee Source". Quite possibly the best place to go for a giant sandwich for under $5.00 (and healthy to boot!).

Moe's Books was sure to have Siddhartha (and they did). I also bought a postcard with MLK on it. Funny, none of my possessions have MLK on them, but now i've got him on my wall and i'll be living on MLK next year.

Went to Rasputin's for kicks. Alex got NoDoubt's "Rock Steady" and something by Collective Soul.

Then i did my share of spending at Rex Lock Service on University. Why, you ask?

victor + la mision
Had some extra time yesterday, so I met victor in the city to go biking. We checked out a couple bike shops looking for new tires for my bike because the ones i currently have are 20+ years old.

I've been borrowing Victor's u-lock while waiting to find my own. I don't want to spend $45.00 for a new lock, so I decided i'd check out flea markets and wait around til a lock found me.

After checking out a bike shop, we were walking back to our bikes, when victor found a u-lock (exactly the one i've been wanting) on the street. We picked it up and I went to the locksmith to have a key made for it. Getting a key for it cost me $22, but that's sure cheaper than buying a new one. shoots.

windy
The city was particularly windy yesterday and it wasn't so bad riding in the wind since it was blowing across us, rather than into us. Scary things happen, though, when there're big gusts.

One particularly strong one hit us while we were on Mission and both of us were carried about two feet off course. That doesn't sound so bad, but swerving two feet is dangerous when cars are right next to you.

Nature scares me all the time. Ever think about how powerful the ocean is?

[berkeley]

>>I want you to notice when i'm not around<< Radiohead's "Creep"

i found a biter
her title is almost like mine. Who knows if she saw my blog and felt inspired. Interesting nonetheless.

Happy friday all.

[VLSB Microcomputing Facility]

>>

yesterday's news
I've found that blogging is an addiction. Each new entry brings a pang of excitement--I get a rush as soon as I hit that orange publish button to see how my work looks on the page.

*hurrah spark flash* Read me, comment me, share your thoughts.

Tomorrow comes and Wednesday's entry has grown stale. I need another hit.

[Valley Life Sciences Microcomputing Facility]

>>

okay so i lied
Paper is almost finished. I needed to make some last minute revisions that I didn't notice before. I was going to be oh so cool by saving my paper to a disk and then making revisions here at the computing facility, but then realized I never took my disk out of my laptop. So here I sit, blogging and unproductive. Like someone i know. It will be done by tonight.

the albatross pub
The Albatross is an awesome pub on San Pablo Ave. where they play doo-wop/blues/jazz and you get all you can eat kettle popcorn for $0.25. Naturally, then, Alex and I were there last night studying our college hearts out while partaking of said popcorn. I bought a San Pellegrino Aranciata. It was super good, but it was $2.00 for a 6.5 fl. oz. beverage o' pleasure. Oh well, i got my money's worth from the popcorn anyway. And yes, i snuck into a 21+ establishment, no they did not card me, no i did not drink.

siddhartha
Victor lent me a copy of Siddhartha. I started reading it at the Albatross and loved what i read. Not finished yet, though. I'm planning to read a little more after this blog. One of the coolest lines from it was

Your soul is the whole world.

Hmm. Another thought exercise. I was thinking about this while i was on the treadmill today. Don't have an answer yet, but you all are welcome to throw down any thoughts. Go ahead and comment ;o)

[berkeley, apt. 4]

>>

hey alex, i wrote the conclusion
I just finished writing the conclusion to what I believe should be the last paper of my college career. Considering I don't feel inclined to go to grad school, I don't think I'll ever have to write another paper in my life. Not to say I don't enjoy writing them, it's just that they take a while for me to write them, and i'm super anal about how things are in my life, so you can imagine me trying to place commas and semi-colons and trying to decide whether to use "product" or "result". Nevertheless, it is finished. And i proved to myself that i could be a humanities major if i wanted to. yay engineering.

[berkeley]

the thought of being
in a world devoid
of creativity and beauty
creates traces of fear
for my future.

Knowing that such fears
are the realities of so many
i must constantly
remind myself
of the dream,
or rather, of my future;
That i refuse to forget
my passions.

[berkeley]

Listening to "Someday" by The Strokes

correspondence
I was emailing back and forth with victor today.

He wrote:
waves are like lifetimes, rising and falling, some waves rise to greatness other choose to barely make a ripple.

I replied:
knowing that waves exist because of the moon's gravity, all waves are pulled by the same force, and perhaps all have the potential for great height. Yet throughout history, only certain waves have changed the face of the earth, having achieved the seemingly impossible feat of reshaping great walls of sheer granite. So what brings one wave higher than the others? Sometimes i think it's luck. Why does the world work the way it does? Why is there an intricate order in the chaos that abounds, and how can i use it to be more than a ripple?

He replied:
lift yourself up by your thoughts.
~~~~~~~

So, what are your thoughts on this? Hit the comment link :o)