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more pictures
I created a mini album from my travelling partner's digital pictures. Here's a thumbnail of what you'll find:

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big kid now
I've always hated dealing with finances. This is part of the reason I prefer not to make big purchases--cars, houses, ponies, yachts, diamond shoes, etc. But alas, i took advantage of financialaid.com and applied to consolidate my student loans. Exciting i know.

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primer
the following is a blurb of thoughts after finishing "Adaptation", a film starring Nicolas Cage and Meryl Streep. I'll be watching the movie again tomorrow.

the thought occurred
to me as I watched Spike Jonze's "Adaptation", that i should no longer put things on hold. I seem to be deeply devoted to an ideal. Solely dedicated to doing things worth doing. No more uninteresting internships. No more declaring a "good" major ("Oh wow, that's a good major"). No more forcing myself to continue the pursuit of someone else's ideal.

So this summer, upon my return from a month abroad, I refuse to waste time convincing myself that I'm doing the right thing. I'd much rather continue doing as I've done :: organize my room and hope that a new idea will introduce itself in the middle of an afternoon spent rearranging old photographs and recollections. Yet in the midst of all this waiting, all this feigned busy-ness, i'm still wasting time. Why is that?

I can't begin to understand when it is that people forget to find and pursue passion. I don't know yet if this world could or would be much better if people remembered their life's love. When said that way, it seems like such a difficult thing to forget or to avoid finding.

Nevertheless, i ask the same question Meryl Streep asks. I want so much to find something I deeply care about. Even moreso, I want so much to find the courage to pursue it.

The thing itself is not as important as the fact that I love it. Hence Meryl Streep's sudden realization that the wonderful, fantastic, but fleeting "ghost" orchid was only a flower. Like so many others.

I suppose dreams, when de-romanticized, are only dreams. It's the fact that they are mine that make them so valuable.

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>>Thoughts meander like a restless wind
Inside a letter box they
Tumble blindly as they make their way
Across the universe...<< Fiona Apple's rendition of The Beatles' "Across the Universe"

Day off
I officially graduated on May 22, however, today was the first day of my American summer vacation. It's not as dramatic as it sounds. I'm pretty proud of how productive I've been. My room is almost recognizable and I threw away a whole helluva lot of things I thought I needed.

I found a tin box of what I believed to be my most valuable possessions when I was 8 years old. In it I found a picture of me in a rabbit suit for Halloween as well as my spelling bee medal and a number of rare coins :: Two Eisenhower silver dollars, a few Kennedy Half Dollars, some Filipino coins, a $2 bill, a few $1 dollar bills, a Disneyland 35th Anniversary coin, and a few Drummerboy quarters. I was quite the coin collector in the 3rd grade, believe you me.

My logic at the time was that if there were ever a fire, I could grab the tin box and run to safety and have my prized possessions conveniently in hand. Nevermind building a bigger box that housed a fire extinguisher, I suppose I didn't want to dally with such trivialities.

This afternoon, I stopped by the Albertson's near my house and dumped the contents of my tin box into the Coinstar machine. I think it's kind of funny that at 8 years old I got the idea that the most valuable thing in my life was a box that contained money I didn't intend to spend.

I still have the tin. All that's in it now is my passport.

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back to reality
I spent my first full day back from Brasil at my internship at the SFBC. The next morning (4th of July), I was on a plane to Long Beach for a family reunion. It was a night of dinner and dancing and then back on a plane to Oakland on Saturday afternoon.

So I'm finally back on the ground for an undetermined amount of time. I haven't yet really thought about what I'm supposed to do with myself for the next 6 months even. This thought is not daunting.

I'm still taking care of the American part of my summer vacation, n'aw mean? I still have a road trip down to SoCal to make, a number of people to catch up with, a bike to ride, some weddings to shoot, a room to decorate, and a Brasilian hammock to hang in my room.

Once I've gotten those summer obligations out of my system, I'll start thinking seriously. So far, the idea of being finished with my B.S. is enough to pacify those thoughts of needing to find a j-o-b right n-o-w.

Day 36
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desembarque
And so it goes, Brasil is now a part of my past, no longer my present. Being back in America is odd. It's silly to say, but it's so strange not to see Brasilians everywhere. It's strange not to struggle to order at a restaurant. It's strange to hear English on loudspeakers. It's strange to see the suburbs and not the beautiful urban sprawl of Sao Paulo.

I miss Brasil, but it's good to be back.

Just you wait til I have the pictures developed.