[apt. 6]

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precious
There I was standing in line at Copy Central with a slew of other students. Waiting to spend $74.75 on an Anthropology reader. by check. The credit card line was way longer. In front of me stood 3 freshmen. One girl wore her navy blue Cal tee with her room key dangling at the end of her keychain necklace dotted with tiny "UC Berkeley" script. The stereotypical, enthusiastic, motivated freshman. She was telling the boy next to her that the lab manual for Chem 1A needed to be reviewed before every lab. These 3 have been through 0 midterms, 0 finals, and 0 sleepless nights. Behind them I stood. 32 midterms, 16 finals, and an innumerable amount of problem sets. Math 1A? HA!! Try Math 1A, 1B, 53, 54 and now 121A. Try Chem1A, Chem1B, Physics 7A, 7B, 7C.

Freshman year seemed so long ago. I can't believe how much i've learned. I'm in awe of how much those 3 freshmen have yet to experience. It's kind of exciting. How precious. I feel like the old weathered student. And yet i know i ain't seen nothin' yet.

[berkeley]

>>there's a thousand words that i could say to make you come home<< *nsync's "gone"

school :: briefly
I've decided that even though the semester has begun, i'm not going to let school conquer my blog entries.

My first day of school was a little scary. My physics class was full of smart looking boys--smart because most of them couldn't dress. How intimidating.
This is the first technical course i've taken that isn't located in a big auditorium, so it's strange to have class with 40+ people rather than the 300+ i was accustomed to.
Does the small class size make the curve harder or easier?

wonder boys
My roommate and some friends in apt. 4 downstairs decided it'd be fun to rent a movie while we still had time. Wonder Boys was really entertaining, what a nice story. Dark comedy, but toby maguire was really good.

little shoes
I was walking down a hallway leading out of the locker room at the gym. I was staring at the ground and saw little white spalding shoes walking in front of me. then i saw that the shoes bore the weight of a fairly overweight woman. Do you ever feel sorry for fat people's shoes? Geez, that was really mean, but honest questions deserve honest answers.

[berkeley]

>>wrong way on a one way track, seems like I should be getting somewhere, somehow I'm neither here nor there<< soul asylum's "runaway train"

location double take
did you read the bracketed location of this blog correctly? I've finally broken the monotonous chain of [home] lines with a new place. The first day of instruction is tomorrow and I'm finally back in apt. 6. Moving in was less chaotic this summer because I didn't have to furnish the place...all I had to do was move my clothes in and put up some of my pictures and I'm home again.

considering
Ever since gary and derrick got webcams, I thought it'd be neat to show people me at my desk. Then again, how interesting would that be. Ehh, just a thought, but i could spend $50 on something else, or save it :o) Besides, having a webcam would definitely glue me to my desk. And since I don't want to be a nerd anymore, I'm going to try to stay away from my computer as much as I can.

Speaking of being away from my desk, I just remembered that the beginning of the semester means I get to start my self-assigned photography project.

[home]

>>or maybe we could cry to the blues<< jill scott's "a long walk"

sigh
alright so I decided I needed to update my blog so that I wouldn't have a pitiful story as my most recent entry anymore. My friends keep telling me that accidents just happen, and i'm slowly beginning to believe it, but I'm thinking it just takes time for me to get over it and so i'll just let triple-A figure the rest out for me.

lanvin-paris
Yay i got new glasses with some fancy brand name. I haven't heard of it before, but i like 'em. Here i go cultivating the image oriented me.

hooptie
So my 4Runner has issues with starting, so I've been driving the red pickup around all day. What a humbling experience. There's almost no paint left on the thing, and the radio is super ghetto fab. Thank goodness for a car though, at least I can get around.

I-haul
so i've been packing and moving my stuff to berkeley all this week, which is why I haven't been updating my blog. Most everything is there, i just need to buy one more book, some groceries, notebooks, pack my shoes, and grab my bedsheets and then i'll be settled.

yvette's project
My sister's finished her site, so go check it out if you like. I've linked it on the left, or just click here to see my sister's brand spankin' new website (i'm so proud of her).

[home]


>>you make me wanna throw my pager out the window<< destiny's child's "bugaboo"

huh?
I was in the driver's seat. My dad and I were going to Toyota Walnut Creek to pick up my repaired 4Runner last night (my car was having issues with starting...a minor problem). At 11:18 pm, We were on Treat Blvd. turning onto Oak Road. The light turned yellow in the middle of the turn, and red just as we were about to enter Oak Road.
A red camaro hit our passenger side. Nobody was hurt.

so now what?
well this is the first accident ever in my life. I was happy that no one was hurt. Oh so thankful.
So now i'm trying to figure out why it happened. I'm a firm believer in the "things happens for a reason" theory. I had to have bad karma coming from somewhere. I think God was trying to wake me up. So this morning, the first thought that came to mind was that our 2001 camry's passenger side looked like shit. And it wasn't that i felt mad at myself, just confused and wanting to know why it happened, and what i'd done in the past to bring this upon myself.

[home]

>>if you took it there, first of all let me say, i am not the one to sit around and be played<< destiny's child's "say my name"

beyonce's genius
ahh yes, indeed i open this blog with some thoughtful bits from beyonce knowles' masterpiece, "bugaboo". haha.
I just wanted to throw in a little more sarcasm because sometimes I head my blog off with songs with which i'm really emotionally *nsync (that's for bern). So, for clarity, no, i'm not feeling this one, but i'm listening to it right now and I've gotta say hats off to DC because their ab flashin', booty shakin', voluptuous 19-year-old image + repetitive hooks formula is amazing.

new project
After 6 months of doing a strength building routine with free weights>> Ex: 12, 10, 8, 6, 12, 12 reps with increasing weight per set<< I've decided to start cutting. I'll be doing a much simpler program: 4 sets of 12 at the same weight throughout steadily increasing weight per set-group every 2 weeks. How terribly interesting...*yawn* Well, i'm excited about it.

tour guide
Too bad I didn't take a job as a campus tour like Trissie last semester. I took Margot through campus today throwing down little bits of information about the university and also letting her get familiar with berkeley's look and feel. I was afraid she wouldn't like the gritty urban vintage raw feel of Cal. Much to my contentment she expressed excitement towards the luster of independence. Ahh, yes, it's going to be nice getting back to school. I've almost forgotten what it's like to be on my own.

frozen peas
and then i remember the nights i microwaved frozen peas for dinner and chased it down with a bowl of cinnamon toast crunch>> gourmet indeed.

to do
I decided it would be handy to learn the army alphabet. Don't ask why, i just thought it'd be neat to know. So here's a quick lesson: Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, Delta...
Maybe i should learn morse code...Gee golly, this past week has let the nerd in me have a few field days. First a handspring visor, more reading of Imperial San Francisco, learning palindromes>>Ex: civic, level, elite tile, race car<<, and now army alphabet and possibly morse code. I don't get it, funny phase. I've even got broken glasses to boot...with tape. I should shut up now, really i should. As for the glasses, I just had my eye exam and will be buying new ones soon.

[home]

>>i wanna push you around, well i will...i wanna take you for granted<< matchbox 20's "push"

sleepy times
I've been really tired lately, moreso than i was when i was working. Odd. I should be relaxing by now, but today I seemed to be pulled in a thousand directions and above all the mayhem was my little sister asking me frivolous questions in a high-pitched voice. Well, her questions were unimportant to me>> I was more concerned with balancing my checkbook, finding margot housing, and figuring out why the 4Runner wouldn't start. But then my heart sank when i thought about how the world looks to a 4 year old. She has no idea about all the things I think about throughout the day, and the coolest thing is that I really don't have to deal with all the stuff i make myself worry about. I have this terrible tendency to blow things out of proportion and worry about them to no end. Haha, Isabella only thinks about the fact that she absolutely must play the drums and is polite enough to ask her big sis for permission before banging on the snare and bass. Geez, i really should revert to her mentality. Screw it all, live for passion. march to the beat of isabella's drum...but first i've got an 11:00am appointment at the eye doctor, my upper body strength training, and entertaining guests.

[home]

>>you're all i need to survive<< janet jackson's "my need"

to do: world domination
Digging into another spoonful of cinnamon toast crunch, the doorbell rings unexpectedly. I peek through the fisheye lens to see the postman and a package filling the frame. Ahh yes, my blue handspring visor deluxe has finally arrived. Needless to say i was quite the psyched kid and was super mega anxious to get my organization on. Gone are the days of random scraps of paper that clutter my room, wallet, and backpack because I can't throw them away. I dream of the day that everyone will have a pda so that we can just "beam" each other our information. damn it's so late, i'm sounding nerdier than usual. i'm tempted to delete the previous lines about my whimsical vagaries, but i'll leave them there for *ahem* your viewing pleasure::: indeed.

caffeine, more caffeine man
Sigh, tall nonfat caramel macchiatos are my (anti-)drug. Coffee is considered a drug to some, but its popularity and ubiquitousness makes it almost legal. *ahem* in any case, my point was that coffee affects me very much. After having some, i was typing super fast and my speech was slurring because i couldn't get the thoughts out quickly enough.

oh right
haha, i probably should have started the whole day with margot's arrival::: my cousin from the philippines came in late last night. The original plan was to go to berkeley and find her a place to live since she'd be attending cal extension--housing is kind of a priority. Change of plans, though>> we ended up hanging out with her friends who were also here in cali, one visiting from nyc and one from the philippines as well--good things come in threes i guess. We went out to target in union city and then to the city to hang out at someone's place as well as to show margot infamous/historic/amazing san francisco. i had a ball. in any case, here's pia, me and margot [paste this link into a new browser window to see the pic: http://www.geocities.com/jaycee_55/sbux.jpg] (in that order) at starbucks at the golden gateway apt. complex near the embarcadero.

[home]

blah
I think i've hit a rut. Blogging used to be so much easier. There was so much to say. Suddenly I feel as though my experiences aren't significant enough to embellish. Filipino parade...great, so then what. Having my laptop repaired, super. Received my jcrew stuff in mail, congrats. Probably returning jcrew stuff, hi-five.

I've been feeling tired lately, and it's definitely being reflected in my various bloggeries. Perhaps tired isn't the term...i feel as though i've lost energy, a passion for something and I can't figure out what. I've embellished on a few plans for world domination in preceding entries. I guess the reason i'm so not driven is because it's time to stop talking and to start making things happen. There's nothing left to say.

Or maybe i'm talking out of my ass and am just experiencing the delayed effects of bouncing on the asphalt after my fall a week ago. I'm still nursing wounds.

[home]

>>but don't change a hair for me, not if you care for me<< frank sinatra - "my funny valentine"

primp
I've been on a tirade for the past few weeks about corporate america as well as the terrible grasp of advertising and media on public opinion. But i'm going to be honest and say that I can't help but buy into it sometimes. I'm vain and I get into shopping not for necessity but for the sake of people's impression of me. I applaud the masterminds in advertising --their ideas are working and working very well. I don't need another sweater...but i got one on jcrew.com. I don't need a pda, but i just bought one of those too. I don't need a dri-fit tank, but i got one at the store so i can keep being vain at the gym.

Ugh. I'm hating myself again. I'm aware of my consumerist self and I'm doing nothing to change my behavior...the sweater is soo cute though:: italian merino wool. *sigh*

[home]

>>i heard he sang a good song, i heard he had a style<< fugees' "killing me softly"

pistahan
Parading down market street a few floats behind Miss America was tiring but fun. There was a parade through the city today celebrating the Filipino American Arts Expo at Yerba Buena Gardens. It was a fun day, but i'm glad to be home. I've been feeling exhausted lately. hm.

kids
I got word today that my 14/15 year old niece totalled one of her parents' cars while out with her friends...she has no permit or license. She probably won't get her hands on a license until she's 35 considering the severity of the incident. Haha, she probably won't even be able to drive a shopping cart when everything's said and done at the dmv. Thank goodness no one was hurt, but I hope she's learned her lesson.

unprovocative
My latest experiences haven't really invoked any deeper more interesting thoughts. I've been infected by the sudden urgence of having nothing to do. No more internship. Tomorrow will be a day of fry's electronics to get my laptop repaired and waiting for my pda to come. There's an inkling of regret about getting a handheld, but it's going to be helpful.

Off to church...going to get my pray on.

[home]

>>loneliness up ahead, emptiness behind, where do i go<< britney's "from the bottom of my broken heart"

organized
look out world, i just won an auction for a handspring visor deluxe.
I know it's definitely not a necessity, but I wanted to spoil myself a little. I figured out my expenses and found that I've spent about 30% of all withdrawals on luxury and a whopping 70% on necessities such as internship program fees, national college scholar society fees, rent, film developing, bart tickets, gas, groceries, etc.

why am i writing about this...whatever happened to inspiring and thought provoking prose? ugh...i'm going to go make a budgeting spreadsheet.

[home]

t-minus 0
The end of my internship has come and gone. I'm going to miss my coworkers a lot. Unfortunately, they're all a tiny bit older than me, so i doubt we're all just going to hang out together for the sake of socializing now that i'm gone.

I'm super sleepy, but feel like i should be writing more. *goodnight*

[cube 20b]

>>come as you are...as i want you to be<< nirvana's "come as you are"

more of the same
I need to expand the content of what runs through my mind. My disgust for corporate america is getting old, and as passionate as I am about the whole topic, it doesn't make for a very interesting gamut of themes on my blog::: is that all I ever talk about...geez.
My intent was to put more substance into my blogs as fodder for whoever came to my trough of thoughts, explications and thoughtlessness.

So lately, what else has been on my plate? Hmm, i've already vented about missing the gym. I used to get mad at myself for sometimes missing Saturday aerobics. I need 3 cardio workouts and 3 strength days, and goodness knows i really need the cardio to tone everything. And lately, the whole gym thing has gone to shit since I've been working on my presentation. [forgive me for bringing this up once again [>] this is a prime example of how corporate life eats away at the real person and eventually leaves a mere shadow of who someone could have been and used to be.

*ahem* soo, but luckily, none of these grudges have been brought about because of my company or coworkers. On the lighter side of things, I really like where i work...it's what lies at the root of this facet of people's lives that irritates me.

i still don't feel like i'm being very positive. So going back to the main topic...
who else can i be?
I've gotta delve into the photography thing very soon.

next week
No more internship in two days. I'm considering a trip down to SoCal to visit my sister, alex, pamela, and whoever else. I should be in fairly good skateboarding shape by then...oh yeah--that's another me> skating. Cultivating my skating self was abruptly halted by a couple scrapes, never fear, my wheels'll be back on the asphalt in a couple days.

[home]

>>when all the rest of the world runs away...you give me shelter<< krystal harris' "angel on my shoulder"

blah blah
Writing in my blog is strange to me now. I feel that my entries should be amazing since my words are so infrequent now. I think i just might scrap the idea of periodic entries and just go for my usual routine of updating often. but beware, i'm fickle.

you did what?!
It's sad to say, but i've missed my workouts for the past two weeks. I've never strayed from the gym for more than a week, but now with the end of my internship coming up very quickly and with my fresh wounds, i can't help but stay home and work. I can't physically workout. I guess that's a good enough excuse to miss my "Cardio + Power" with Roxana today. This is good though, because come monday, when i'll most probably be decently healed, i can do my strength training and get sore. Yay, being sore. :o) fond memories.

positively speaking
this summer has been somewhat of an oxymoronic adventure. Lots of thinking and reading. Learning about the founding fathers of san francisco. The principles at the root of its skyscrapers and the grit behind the grandeur. All of those truths- raw truths- were seered into my cerebellum. Yet the very same brain that absorbs the city's history, sits in a skyscraper all day immersed in the supposed/apparent wonders of capitalism. I learn about greed, the lies, the manipulative scheming that went on in the SF Chronicle and in Hearst's papers as well as the men who invented the cable car and see it mimicked by the same suits who run the city and therefore the world. And yet how can i look my superiors in the face and say that i want to do this for the rest of my life. To contribute to something that can only stunt my personal growth. I can't be me. It only drives me to play the game even better. To maintain and tighten my grasp on myself::the dream and to use the system as a stepping stone.

[home]

>>Take your time, hurry up
The choice is yours, don't be late
Take a rest as a friend as an old memoria<< nirvana's "come as you are"

dammit
i decided to be ballsy and skateboard downhill down my street. the street won. I'm blogging with an ice pack on my knee...my other knee and elbow are waiting for their turn with the ice pack. Falling lasted less than a second and so I really didn't mind that part, but i'm just soo mad that i'm probably going to get some nasty scars. On top of it all, I'm supposed to go to rehearsal tomorrow and i'm going to be doing this one dance where i have to do knee spins. joy. I'm scared my dance will be taken from me because i don't think i'll be able to dance on bloody knees...Other than that, it's been quite a nice little relaxing day. :o) irony.

next
by this time next saturday I'll be all finished with my internship. This is neither good nor bad. I really enjoyed working there, but I'm definitely looking forward to not having straight 8 hour days. A 17 unit semester will be crazy, I have a feeling I may need to drop a class, but what the hell, i should at least try first. Let's just hope that this coming semester won't be akin to my skateboarding adventure today. crash and burn. never.