[saddlehill lane]

>>all the laughter that we shared, would be a memory, i cannot count the tears you caused me, who would've believed<< steps' "one for sorrow"

the first day
work was good times today. My alarm went off at 5:30am, but i got up at 5:45 instead (can you blame me?). My mom and I carpooled to bart and i was in san francisco at 7:30. The agenda for the day was just a whole bunch of presentations for new-hires. I was the only intern today, but i went through orientation with a guy named Ricardo and another guy named Benjamin. They took us into a meeting room where i'd spend the next five hours of my day learning about company policy, insurance plans, etc. It was mostly dry, but informative nonetheless.

I'll just rattle off the highlights of the day:
1. free breakfast
Breakfast was light-consisting of sliced cantaloupe, honeydew, watermelon, bagels, muffins, and danish with choice of bottled water, apple or orange juice.
2. free lunch
Lunch was sweet! Choice of turkey or tuna (those fat deli style sandwiches) or a vegetable wrap (my choice) plus pasta plus choice of apple pie and other desserts
3. standard issue laptop
okay this wasn't as sweet as the first two because the laptop is a little on the janky side. Kind of old, sorta heavy and it runs on windows 95 and only has 48 MB of ram. And worst of all, it's a compaq, but it's cool.
4. standard issue business cards and voice mail
i'm a bottom feeding intern and i get business cards and a voice mail account! woohoo!

[saddlehill lane]

>>if somehow you knew that your love would be untrue, would you lie to me?<< jennifer lopez's "if you had my love"

the last day
*sigh* i start working tomorrow. This is good stuff, no doubt, but i can't help but feel a little nervous about my first day. Geez, i'm such a rookie! I'll probably laugh at myself when i read this entry a few years from now when i'll be a seasoned worker bee.

These last few days have kept me in a sort of limbo. What's a girl to do with all this free time? I can't help but go back and forth between feeling like a sloth (hey yoouuu guyyyyssss!) and feeling like i need to be preparing to be the working woman; the epitome of independence, grace, intellect, and free thinking--a euphemism for when the bitch reading goes off the charts. Only kidding, i figured this entry needed a feminist (over)tone since i'm talking about the working woman *trumpet fanfare*.

In any case, so today i set off to macy*s to complete the working woman's outfit.
note: you should really try glorifying yourself in the 3rd person, it's really quite amusing.
*ahem* macy*s shoe dept...so i had to spend $70 on a pair of Nine West dress shoes. For those of you boys who are reading this, yes i know, you're gagging. And alex d., i don't know what it is with girls and shoes, but the fact that the macy*s flagship store in san francisco fills almost a whole floor with women's footwear means i'm not alone. Oh the things women must do.

Oh, and i'm not superficial. I just have to pretend to be so that people at work will respect me. How twisted. Such is life in the corporate arena.

other news
it's nice to know that our world is still going to shit.
-World Bank is loaning $15 million to Shell Oil Co. so that the giant can continue operations in Nigeria that have to this date caused 10 times more damage than the Exxon Valdez incident.
-The American Society of Civil Engineers gave the condition of the nation's infrastructure (highways, sewer systems, etc.) a D average. The cost of repairing the system is estimated at $1.3 trillion, which is ironically equal to the tax cut that ole Dubya is handing out to the people.

greeeat. Get more fresh disappointment at commondreams.org.

>>i'll take your invitation and you take all of me<< lifehouse's hanging by a moment

vegetables anyone?
for the past few weeks i haven't been up to producing any entries that said anything about my thoughts on the world, because i know that whoever reads this depends on my input or output to understand the meaning of life, grasshopper(s). I apologize. I know that most of the past entries are just me writing about not so influential things like clothes, skating or shoes (though shoes do have a certain influential draw =D), but these are all things that i'm into at the moment and i am sharing them with you. Besides, writing really interesting stuff takes a lot of energy and it's a bit draining to really go heart and soul into a reflection...well it is for me anyway. So here i go again, talking about altogether unimportant stuff, but i like reading my own writing. Go create your own blog and i'll read yours and plagiarise anything i find meaningful here in my blog =D


warning
skating is soooo hard! I thought i'd get it down by now, but i still have trouble making it around turns without losing my board. Maybe that's why most skaters started when they were little kids, cuz back then you were way more daring and didn't care if people saw you fall. That's it, i'm a kick some ass.

all dressed up
my mom took me shopping for business clothing. Those clothes are sort of expensive, and i'd much rather spend that money on my first love: shoesies *wink-wink*
But then again i'll use these clothes lots and lots in the future, so they're an investment. I can't wait to start my job because then i'll gain some disposable income and will be able to spend money. I just don't like dipping into my Todai tip cache--it's sort of like a back up. Then again, i really don't want to stress out about anything and i really don't feel like making that commute on bart. grr, oh well.

>>dance sucka dance, now move sucka move<< rage against the machine's "renegades of funk"

no tengo nada para hacer
i don't have anything to do
*sigh* i can't complain i guess. I have to start working on Thursday, wee!
Hmm what did i do today? I helped my mom do some laundry, unpacked my clothes, and skated a bit.

gymnasium
i went to the local gym to get a new membership. It's going to be $120 for a 3 month summer membership. I'm still pretty psyched though because it's under new ownership so all the equipment is super beautiful and new, yay!

skating joanie
I bought a skateboard at 510 Skateboarding on Telegraph. I didn't want to sound like a total dorker when i walked into the skate shop so i did some research at skateboard.com and read a few of the reviews on various components of a board. At the shop i got a habitat deck with independent trucks and spitfire wheels. The guy said that the spitfires (from san francisco) were the best ever so i got them despite the flaming skull graphics. Those wear off really quickly anyway, hehe. I'm learning to ollie and i pretty much have the basic movement down, but i need to get more air so i can hop over curbs. Yay skating.

>>please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to<< tlc's waterfalls

nature kicked our ass
I just came back from a three day trip at Yosemite. I'd never been camping before and i must say it was really really enjoyable. The four of us- Chris, Alex, James and I - sort of had an ongoing nature battle. I think nature beat us most of the time, what with the fire not starting the first night and then realizing that we didn't have the raft on the day we were planning to tame the Merced River.

i kicked back
On our final day we decided we wanted to hike up to the top of Half Dome. Most people do it in two days, but we decided we'd go all the way up and back down in one day. We had to get up at 5:30am and after packing up the campsite, we were on the trail by 7am. It was a killer hike (16.4 mi total) and i don't think i've ever walked that much in one day in my whole life (I'm still pretty sore). Alex and I reached the base of the ladder around 1:00pm after a half hour lunch break with Chris and Alex around 11am. We rested at the base for about half an hour where i mentally prepared myself. Grr, i just wanted to scale that granite so badly. We kicked nature's ass =D

I'm having the pictures developed tomorrow.

[apartment four, berkeley]

the great outdoors
Hooray, i'm leaving for yosemite tomorrow morning and will be very much unplugged until Thursday. I'm looking forward to it, i really think i'm going to enjoy the camping experience because i basically have never gone camping before. Odd, not much left to say. Will be shooting lots of pictures.

>>you can make dew into diamonds, you can pacify the lions, but you can never make me love you more<< steps "love you more"

i passed math!
i've never been so happy to pass a class (i've never had to worry about it before). My final grade in linear algebra was a B+. *phew*

check
Did my cardio workout and then shot hoops >check<
Having a juice appeal as i write. Will go home to do laundry. Going to yosemite next week. *yay*

amazing kobe
I went to watch the lakers game at miguel's place. They were playing the Spurs, game 1 in the western finals. I like basketball, but i'm not super into watching sports all the time (it helps to have a tv). In any case, kobe bryant has amazing amazing talent. He's just everywhere and always in the right place at the right time. My friends were saying he's not usually so great, but i guess he was just on today. No wonder he's so cocky.

[apartment six, berkeley]

>>oh you are such a little child, and you won't give anything away<< nelly furtado's "i feel you"

muahahahaha
this cool cat is all finished with finals, so how you like me now?! I have no idea what to do with all this free time!

the agenda
today i will:
1. go run 2.5miles and then shoot some hoops.
2. Do laundry.
3. Pause, laugh, enjoy life because there's no more school.
4. Go to lunch with miguel and bryan.
5. Pack.
6. Repeat 3.

not sure what else.

[apartment four, berkeley]

>>i'm standing here until you make me move<< lifehouse's "hanging by a moment"

happy birthday pamela! joanie loves you =D

wakey wakey
i took a nice two hour nap for my study break from my physics book. Indeed, today has been most exciting, hehe.

the end
It's difficult to want to study when my roommates are all done with school. They all tell me that "the end" is so very unclimactic, but hell, i'm not asking for some huge amazing miracle to happen as soon as the clock strikes 8:00pm tomorrow night. I'm looking forward to going to the gym in the mornings and not having to worry about tying myself to a book for the rest of the day.

must...make it...to...friday...night

[apt. six, berkeley]

>>i get so stuck on leavin, hell i think i'll go, cuz they don't want me around here<< nelly furtado's "my love grows deeper"

cruz cam
i was taking a study break and went to check my mail, waste time, etc. and gary was online and linked me to his streaming video site where he was able to show me his new shoes. It'd be fun to have a camera and show stuff to friends online. I must admit, however, it had a voyeuristic quality to it.

i have to go study again, be back later.

[apartment four, berkeley]

>>ready to look, ready to fly, ready to say anything, even goodbye<< from U2's "zoo station"

stalling
I finished my e77 final this afternoon at around 3:00pm. Argh, two down, two more to go. My finals week this semester is comparable to chinese water torture. It's so long and drawn out and my tolerance for studying is dwindling. I've been taking a long break and i don't think i'm going to be ready to study by 6:30pm. I've already taken a long enough break, but i'm just way too burned out.

I should be more like Chris.
She's a freakin' energizer bunny. She's been down here in the boys' apartment studying all day. In fact, she's been studying intently for the past week and a half and she's still going. Five bucks says the quality of her studying hasn't declined since she started. I think i study pretty hard, but finals are totally breaking me.
She's just amazing. Chris is my hero for the week.

[apartment six, berkeley]

>>you thought i couldn't breathe without you, i'm inhalin'<< from destiny's child's "survivor"

exhausted
must...make it...to...friday night.

[apartment six, berkeley]
>>worries in my worried corner. Maladjusted, just untrusted, rusted, sometimes brilliant busted thoughts<< from eve6's "promise"

a day off
No finals today, so i'm using my free day to study for my finals on Tuesday and Wednesday. Argh, crazy times, I want this week to go as quickly as possible, but i also want it to go very slowly so I don't run out of time studying. Either way, it's the same 24 hours per day, let's just hope i make the most out of each one before the tests come.

more interesting
yes, joan is admittedly boring. Never fear, however, i'll be quite the magical, hypnotizing and irresistible young girl once finals pass.
Just you wait ...*wink*

[apartment berkeley six]

>>oh when you walk by every night talking sweet and looking fine, i get kind of hectic inside<<--mariah carey's "sweet fantasy"

huh?
this'll be a rather confused blog. I stayed up a little too late last night and got about six hours of sleep, which actually isn't bad, but it'll probably affect me nonetheless.

i'm off to go catch jen at the campanile to start studying for physics. I completely forgot to wake up and call ticketmaster for madonna tickets, so after that trouble jumping through hoops to see madonna it all comes to a very unclimactic end. damn.

argh, i've gotta haul ass uphill.

missing zzzzz's
Studying was somewhat effective. I just felt a little sleepy and found that my brain wasn't completely up to par.
*Note to self: Sleep deprivation greatly affects efficacy of studying. Additionally, special relativity is a freakin' trip to understand regardless of lack of sleep.*

disconnected
perhaps this summer i'll consider leaving my buddy list off and only using the internet to do research (*gasp* even give up online shopping?). It'll give me a chance to go and cultivate the inner me. I'm not sure what that means yet, but i've been missing something this semester. I think todai turned my attention to materialistic things, but it's time to go back and give the other me a makeover.

[apartment six, berkeley]

>>"don't try to run, i can keep up with you, nothing can stop me from trying" from Madonna's Open Your Heart

finally
blogger finally got fixed, i was getting worried that it would be a while before i could post.

i love physics, cuz it's so delicious
i'm off to study for my physics final. I promise i'll be more interesting after the 18th, the day of my last final.
I'm interesting, really i am! I wrote a poem and everything on my last blog...*shrug*

>>"but watching stars without you, my soul cries" from Desree's "Kissing you"

observe
i'm tired of listening to the selfsame tragedy
that she preaches to my passing
seemingly uninterested gaze

twice removed, i hear her laughter
her pride is fading
my patience failing

this is my soul searching
troubled trek through her shameful trials
she's reaching

[apartment six, berkeley]

>>"Do i ever cross your mind..." from Brian McKnight's "Anytime"

two pamelas
Exciting times! I'm totally looking forward to hanging out with Pamela, my best friend, at the end of the month. She's moving back to cali from Houston and i haven't seen her since January. I have no plans for us, but i just can't wait to see her. Woohoo

Pamela #2: A possible subletter came to check out our apartment. She seemed pretty cool, let's hope she picks us.

blanking
i'm suddenly at a loss for words, so i'll add to this later.

[apartment six, berkeley]

"there's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me..." from Allison Krause's "when you say nothing at all"

*yawn*
Today has been draining. I've been studying on and off all day, with a nice 3 hour nap from 2-5pm. I sort of wish I didn't take that nap, but I really think my brain needed it. I went to they gym after my nap and then hit the library for two hours studying math.

friendBoys
i was thinking about the guys i've been introduced to in the past couple weeks. They're all really cool guys and i'd definitely like to hang out with them more, but i know for sure that i want the relationships to be completely platonic. Then i realized that all of the boys that i'm friends with (my friendBoys) are good friends of mine because they're my neighbors or because i've grown up with them. So here's the puzzle of the day: How do i develop platonic relationships with boys without inadvertently making them think i want to date them?

Kathy says boys won't think you like them unless you are super obvious about it. Is this true? Is it only girls who start making inferences about boys' behavior towards them? hmm

[apartment six, berkeley]

"i believe when i fall in love with you it will be forever" from Stevie Wonder's "I Believe"

good morning
i woke up at nine this morning and headed downstairs for the gym, turned around went back upstairs and started studying. I'll go to the gym later.
I've been studying E77 for the past couple hours and took a little 10 minute break. I'm switching subjects and will start studying physics pretty soon.

yeah this entry was all too exciting!

[istanbul, turkey]

okay really
[apartment six, berkeley]

"i don't want to be your baby girl...i just want to be what's best for me" -from nelly furtado's "baby girl"

burning
i think it's a good indication that i'm beginning to burn out when i'm greatly inclined to go play basketball, eat ice cream, cheerios, and email pictures of my new shoes to my friends rather than study. Yeah, i'd say that observation is pretty accurate.

And so here i am, adding to my various bloggerings.

i once was blind
Jeff, my math tutor dude, is a 50+ year old hippy, who sports tie-dye t-shirts on some days and not so patriotic shirts on the others, has a masters in mechanical engineering. Despite his qualifications, he tutors kids like me in math workshops getting paid sweatshop wages.

He's a news junkie and perhaps knows too much for his own good. I think the ugliness of this self-absorbed community of "i'm too important and too busy for you"
college students is finally beginning to take its toll on him. His dream was to be the catalyst for change and awareness amongst unsuspecting
engineering students (his tutees) so that the younger generation might prevent the terrors of capitalism and corruption (or perhaps they're one and the same...?)
from corroding the rest of the world. Alas, consumerism has already consumed most of his students. Jeff states that most students are too self absorbed to
care about the terrible things happening all over the world as a result of the actions taken by the politicians we voted for.

"i used to think that if i could change even one person's outlook every semester, it would be enough to make a difference. But let's face it, i'd have to be here
for 20,000 years to make anything happen." -jeff

Themes from Fight Club and Culture Jam come rushing back to me. Sadness, anger, confusion and frustration overwhelm me at the thought of jeff's despair.
The american media hides a lot from its readers. Jeff is a loyal surfer of www.commondreams.org, a news website that gathers information from european papers--publications that aren't censored/filtered like our papers are.

It seems impossible to realize a more honest world, but it all begins with awareness. I don't think jeff needs to wait 20,000 years.
www.commondreams.org
I used to wonder why the hell they'd name a news site like that, but i understand now.

[apartmento six-o, berkeley-oh]
"i don't want ambivalence...no more..." -Nelly Furtado's "Hey Man"

finals are eating me alive, so i haven't really been into updating my blog. sorry, haven't much to say right now.

[apartment four, berkeley]

i'm downstairs in the boys' apartment. Today was superb. Okay, well except for the huge swarm of bees that hung around outside my window for about a half hour, the rest of the day was great. The four hour math review made my day productive.

I met elena, my old roommate from the dorms, at bath&body works and headed for the greek theatre to see Common and the Violent Femmes. I'd never listened to either of the artists prior to the show, but i just wanted something to do to relax. Common was amazing. He had great stage presence and played to the audience. He had this persona. He exuded humility. His message wasn't the typical hard core mc subject matter; it was about unity and respect for the past and for each other. Yay common. I liked his pants too, yay adidas.

The violent femmes were...
forty+ years old. such a surprise to see three balding middle aged men whose band was called "the violent femmes." They had a couple good songs, but i decided it was time to leave when they started screaming "you are an ugly mother fucker!" Roite...perfect time for my exit.

Elena and I went to the international house cafe. I haven't spent time with her in a long time, and it was most excellent.

[apartment six, berkeley]

all alone. chris and kathy have gone galavanting.
I went to barnes and noble today to relax. I found so many books that i wanted to read. Kalle Lasn's "Culture Jam," in particular, looked really interesting. It's about the role that the media plays in molding and perpetuating the American culture/addiction of consumerism. I'd like to read that after finals come around.

As i leafed through the first few pages and skimmed the back cover, i thought about my penchant for purchase and how these tendencies were encouraged and in fact brought on by societal trends (ooh, a double entendre).

I can totally see how reading this book will make me stop spending (at the least) and will most probably make me hate my consumerist self. I'm not my fucking khakis. I was a diehard supporter of this very statement after watching fight club. *ahem* "was" is the keyword here. Little by little, and especially after i gained a bit of buying power because of Todai, i turned away from this simple rule to live by and became the very person ed norton sought to destroy. It'll be nice to get away from the superficialities of clothes, electronic toys and shoes. well, i might hang onto the shoes ...

[apt. six, berkeley]

"i looked into your eyes, and my world came tumbling down. You're the devil in disguise, that's why i'm singin' this song..."
madonna

it is an absolutely gorgeous day in berkeley and i'm enjoying my exciting two hour friday. Two hours, you ask? I only have two hours today, math at 8 and physics at 2. These round out my 32 hour week of instruction. *ugh*

I didn't do much last night. I was just downloading some music. The one exciting productive achievement of the day, however, was that i turned in my last lab for E77. Woohoo! Then again, that class was pretty fun, a lot of people said they hated it, but i really like programming now that i've taken the class. *ahem* nerd...

The gym was fun, i talked to bryan in between sets and then i ran into miguel. So i shot around with him and bryan. Now i'm back, listening to some of my rock music (a bit of a contrast to my disney songs).

[apt. six, berkeley]

last night i got into a disney/childhood music kick. I started downloading "once upon a dream" from the sleeping beauty and then didn't stop. I haven't been able to find music that i can really dig, but i suddenly found it. I've got aladdin, an american tale, the little mermaid (a must) and a few others.

It's ironic, however, that i also found silverchair and live really appealing too.

[apt. six]

"life is short. the road is long. hurry"
i saw this on the back of a sixty year old guy's shirt as i walked into the locker room. he and his shirt make an awesome statement.

[el apartamiento seis, berkeley]

*sigh* oatmeal cookies are damned good...and so is mint chocolate chip ice cream...and so is pad-thai.
okay i should write more, and i have, it's just not in this blog. i'm waiting for chris to finish with the bathroom so i can brush and go to bed.
tomorrow will be fun, e77 lab, which means i don't actually have to get there on time. I've been trying to find some song or album that i can play
over and over because it clicks so well with my mood, but I suppose i need to figure out what I'm feeling before I try to find the music to match.