Moreso than ever
I've begun chipping away at the block of marble that hides my personal vision. I've taken a handful of photographs now and though some of them are technically correct, they don't have much heart.

I don't want to think too much everytime I push the shutter button, but i hope I am gifted enough to make something more than a good exposure.

I've worked 22 hours, I think, in the last 2 days and i'm going back
to the restaurant tonight for more. This is supposed to pay off soon,
but apparently not yet.

The last two weeks have not felt like two weeks. Partly because of the
change in work schedule and also because of the new commitment to make
more (good) friends and shoot more (good and bad) pictures.

In some sense, I've achieved more in the last 2 weeks than I did in
the last 8 months as far as creative/social productivity. I feel
myself growing more and more responsible for accomplishing greater
things. It's scary because, as life goes, it could all collapse at any
time. But now I realize paralysis is a thousand thousand times worse
than failure. So i prefer to press on.

The impossible is beginning to unfold and I see it's just a matter of
time and sweat. A lot of time, actually, and even more sweat.

It's some strange form of exciting, perilous, and wonderful stress.

So I didn't actually
come up with more ideas yet. It's cold here (again), and just last week we hit 60. If Mother Nature could decide, maybe I could too. Nevermind -- everybody blames her.

Buckle down, Joanie. Stop paralyzing yourself.

These are the notes in my moleskine.

I would like to know
what I can do to make something new. What story can I tell that no one's heard before?

I could make a story about New York life. It's not a new idea. Has anyone said that it is wonderful and shitty and stressful and exciting to carve a life out of this rotten apple? I change my mind about moving everyday.

Nevermind. I want to think bigger than my own battle.

Today
I am $600 closer to being a working photographer.