[Concord]

I would have to say
that I haven't had enough random experiences in the last few days that I deem blogworthy. Melissa said it best, "If you can’t complain excessively and you can’t tell all your best news because you’ve learned that some things should be sacred and personal, then what is the point of having a personal website? One must find a happy medium, and my middle ground includes the following: ...".

The only issue I feel is okay to talk about here is my finding a job, which I think i've discussed a number of times already. Besides, that's not really that exciting.

I did, however, watch
The Royal Tenenbaums -- a fine film indeed. The humor was offbeat and a little twisted, but once I got used to it, the film was really enjoyable. I have a decent library of DVD's that Nick is lending to me until he returns from Paris in December. I've been spending a few nights over the past week watching either nip/tuck (the most electrifying hour on TV on Tuesday) or crossing movies off of my "Films I Should Watch" list.

So far, I've seen Boogie Nights and Pulp Fiction. Not sure i'd watch Boogie Nights again, but I'd definitely buy Pulp Fiction once i get that aforementioned j-o-b.

But anyway, it's time to stop writing.

[concord]

Conversing with Nick
over his last American Apple Pie before leaving for Paris, sowed the seeds for developing my voice as a photographer. Every great artist sees the world just a little differently from the rest of us. So I want to dig deep within my soul and find what it is I want to say. I hope it's something beautiful.

My method of shooting has always depended on instinct. A reflex of sorts :: I don't think, i just wait and react.

I'd like to be able to use my work to say something that moves people. I don't know if my current method is sufficient, or if i need to do more thinking before I speak. Are my reflexes closer to what I wish to convey than thinking about what I want to say and structuring my pictures more? I don't know.

As long as I continue to create.

[concord]

so my friend nick recommended
the movie George Washington (2000). I just finished watching it.

Despite its sluggish pace, I absolutely enjoyed the film. It left me needing to think about a lot, but one of my immediate conclusions is that our lives consist of moments: describing a first kiss, sharing stories with friends on a sleepy afternoon, feeling the wind in your face on the back of a motorcycle, watching fireworks on the 4th of July. Everything else is a means of moving from one memory to another.

[san francisco]

>>Everyday is so wonderful, and suddenly, it's hard to breathe<< Christina Aguilera's "Beautiful"

A State of Limbo
Since returning from Brasil, the past month and a half has been full of turbulence peppered with calm. My post-graduation experience is an unsettling mix of worry, confusion, and a lack of direction. Thankfully, fear is not included in this myriad range of feelings. Nevertheless, I am without work. And all i ever hear from people is to take my time.

But i'm excited to get there. I'm excited to find a fulfilling line of work. I've always been an idealist, and that may work against me. Nevertheless, I believe that it's possible to find an enriching occupation in America. I know i can.

[concord]

Mallrats
Alex, Trissie, and I spent six glorious hours at Sunvalley Mall going back and forth between American Eagle, Charlotte Russe, Forever 21, Hollister, and Abercrombie.

I haven't spent a whole day at the mall in a very long time. It was nice to be there on a Tuesday morning through afternoon :: the floors devoid of teeny boppers, the stores empty, the lines super short.

I broke my cardinal Anti-Anything-Abercrombie Rule when i purchased a shirt at Hollister. Nevermind the "Two Wongs Can Make it White!" fiasco, that chain of stores reminds me too much of high school social rejection. All the girls I ever see in those stores look exactly like the girls that never spoke to me in high school.

I can't think of a better way to end this thought. I'm going clubbing in Palo Alto tonight with my high school friends. At least they talked to me back in the day. ;o)

[concord]

my dad says
that Arnold is his favorite candidate.

[concord]

More photos
I posted my favorite shots online, you can find them by clicking on the screenshot below.

[concord]

I've been home
for almost a month now. I received an email from Tasha, a UCLA film major I met during my first evening in Bahia. She'll be back in California in 3 weeks. She wants to hear some of my thoughts before she returns to America. The following is an excerpt from my reply:

"One of the great lessons i learned was that Brasil didn't have anything that was quantitatively more impressive or expensive. The coffee was sometimes super teeny tiny, and yet those few sips, like everything else in Brasil, was just what I needed. Not a big ice cream Jamba Juice, just a small R$1.65 suco de laranja. Not an SUV or even a Camry, but a Ford Renault. Not a super size McMeal Deal, but a piece of roasted corn or a shish-kebab.

While there, i racked my brain trying to understand whether the differences I'd observed were better or just different. The answer to this question was vital to my happiness back home. I remember how much I hated visiting the Philippines 7 years ago when i was 14. Everything was dirty, poor, and simply not American. I had not learned to change my expectations. All i wanted were American things. So now that I was in Brasil, I made sure not to expect America. And it kept me happy. I didn't look for Starbucks, i embraced the cafezinho.

But now that i'm back in America, i realize that the differences i'd observed in Brasil were in fact better, not simply different. I had hoped that cultural differences were to be celebrated, respected, and left at that. It's okay for Americans to want to shake hands and for Brasilians to want to kiss each other on the cheek. Aren't differences what make this world beautiful?

But pumping food with chemicals is not better. Greeting people the same way one opens a business negotiation is not better. Buying a Hummer when all your family needs is a sedan because you'll never take that luxury thing off road, is not better.

I tried not to get angry at America. I tried to believe that human nature is at fault and that America was lucky enough to get the chance to engage in excess. After all, I saw a few Chevy Blazers and Mitsubishi Pajero's in Brasil. Perhaps if Brasil had the resources, they too would have the same flaws for which Americans are hated. So indeed, some Brasilians also flexed their monetary muscle when they could. Everybody wants nice things.

But i think Americans can also learn to want simpler things, to give value to different items. It is difficult to make blanket statements as i've just made. I know there are Americans who don't place money and the things they can buy with it as their highest priority (after God or another supreme deity, if they are religious). But nevertheless, if we look at the vehicles next to us next time we're on the street, if we look at the width of the person in front of us at the movie theater, if we look at the sizes of the popcorn being sold at the movies, if we look at the way we behave around people we don't know, i would have to say Brasilians are better off. Far better off than we."