[concord]

>>sometimes I feel good, sometimes I feel used<< Alicia Keys' "Fallin'"

Composed
I decided to try and make up a song. Not just improvise and forget the developing melody, but write down what I was playing. While I played, I tried to make the melody mirror every note that I sang. Upon trying to reproduce the piano hook in Alicia Keys' song, I discovered that the song itself doesn't depend on the background music, but on the singer's voice and the song lyrics. Consider how a song sounds sans singer (Karaoke, instrumental track on cassettes, etc.). Now, of course, there's a lot of music that's more complicated (Radiohead or Dave Matthews Band), but most of the stuff on Top 40 radio has the same basic few chords or rhythm arrangement and is then looped. What makes the song notable is its lyrics and, obviously, how good it sounds--aurally pleasing? yes ma'am.

So perhaps that's how life is as well. The same sound looped over and over, but a distinctive, or better said, successful lifestyle is determined by a person's talent, ingenuity, individuality, etc.

[concord]

>>but when i dial the telephone, nobody's home<< Jamie O'Neal's "All by Myself"

In her eyes
I was at MacCaulou's waiting to have a distant relative's 50th anniversary present wrapped. An old woman, with a pink scarf wrapped around her head and knotted at her chin, waited in line next to me. The lady behind the gift wrapping counter looked shaggy :: hair unkempt, her eyes giving an unyielding stare peering over her oversized glasses. The old woman was delighted at how swiftly shaggy lady was wrapping my glorified cookie jar. But i was wincing :: at all the creases and wrinkles Shaggy was putting into my present. Pinky smiled and gave an endearing commentary..."I'm all thumbs when it comes to wrapping. OH! Would you look at how precious that is, such beautiful wrapping paper, and they make it look so easy!" (her hands clasp in excitement). Uhh, hey Pinky-- you should see the way they do it at David M. Brian. The wrapping paper isn't supposed to be creased, and it's not supposed to be loose. Oh well. I thought it was cute that she was so amused, maybe i should have the same wonderment about the world.

[berkeley]

>>

A full day
I've got 3 and a half weeks of winter break. I feel like every day has to be amazingly productive, creative, and/or fun because as soon as i go back to berkeley, I know i'll be wishing I had more fun.

[concord]

>>the trench is dug within our hearts, and mother's children, brother's sisters torn apart<< U2's Bloody Sunday

hark
Anyone ever seen the Charlie Brown Christmas special where Sally is the Angel Gabriel and her only line in the Christmas pageant is "Hark!" and she keeps saying "Hockey Puck!" instead? Random thought, but I was trying to think of headings for this section and thought of "hark" and then thought of that Peanuts special...remember the Great Pumpkin? *shrug*

At first i thought it was a little unfortunate that my finals were so late that I couldn't enjoy all of the Christmas cheer until the 20th. It all ended up working out though. I got most of my shopping done on the 22nd, and even bought a couple of things for myself.

Anyway, i'm havin' a good time. Couldn't sleep on Saturday night because I kept imagining all of the pictures I'd like to take. How fun.

[berkeley]

>>I'm sorry to say, I'm running away<< Britney Spears' "Cinderella"

Uy vey
I saw Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring last night at the Metreon's IMAX theater. Boy, as if the movie wasn't powerful enough, it had to be twice as big as a regular movie screen. Excellent movie, but, to borrow the tin man's words, the film weighed like a ton of bricks. Go see, go see. I haven't read the books, but the film was great anyway.

What's their frequency?
I've heard so many philosophical how to's about life, I'd like to know how to balance it all.
Oh right, and before I continue, I must add that it's difficult to anayze life using wise-sounding quotes because my analysis ends up being full of cheese and offers at most a flash-in-the-pan realization followed by an "Oh yeahhh" by the reader :: and things continue business as usual. Perhaps that's what will happen at the end of this entry, but it's helping me make adjustments to my own Strategy o' Life.

Philosophical How To #1:
"There is no past or future, only the present."
--George Balanchine :: American Ballet's founding father

I found this quote about 3 years ago when I was a Senior in high school reading in the confines of the local library :: the only place that offered solace when I was unable to connect with the other kids. I was restless (surprise, still am) and could find no one amongst my group of friends that offered a plethora of experiences and curiosity to explore the fine arts and the world that existed outside of Clayton and Concord. A lot of my Senior year consisted of borrowing movie classics like The Godfather trilogy, West Side Story, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, My Fair Lady, and reading great people's biographies. I wanted to pattern my life philosophy after those that I admired in hopes that I would become successful as well.

So what was I saying?

Alright so life lesson #1: Life is what happens when you're planning ahead or looking behind, so enjoy what you're doing right now.

Philosophical How To #2:
"You must always have a plan, no matter what that plan is, you absolutely must have one. Otherwise, you are left with no direction." Mr. Millar :: My Freshman World Civilization teacher

So this one's fairly easy. Set something up, else you'll be left with nowhere to go.

Philosophical How To #3:
Delayed gratification is the key to success. -- i've heard this from somewhere :: haven't we all?

Philoosophical How To #4:
"You can't have it all." -- my mom :o)

Those last 2 are self explanatory.


Right, so how do I strike a balance between the four of these?

I'd say numbers 1 and 2 are the most relevant to me. I'm enjoying my life, but I'd rather be behind a camera and determining just how much potential I have in photography rather than being behind a computer screen and an Engineering book. I love Physics. After going through the Physics departments initiation rite (Physics 137A: Quantum Mechanics), I can honestly say that Physics and Math are beautiful.

Engineering offers more security than going into the arts. So, in order to put food on the table, I'll go into Engineering for a while and somehow make enough money to put all of my energy into Photography instead -- delayed gratification.

Alas, however, I don't think my plan's going to work. I've tested my mom's piece of advice, hoping I could prove her wrong. I want to be incredible at photography, and the only way one can be a legend at something is if one focuses all energy and time on one goal. So that's the challenge. All my life, school has been the main goal. It was so easy to sacrifice time for fun, photography, friends and even family for the sake of school. The new chapter in my life will be about photography instead -- granted, I'll at least pass my classes. The question, however, is do I have the strength to commit to my new focus and accept lower grades for the sake of my true passion?

I used to think I could be great at everything I did if I tried hard enough, but my mom, as usual, is always right. If I want to be brilliant, I can only explore and focus on one thing at a time.

[berkeley]

>>

The final final
A five question final and I answered 1 of them with confidence. Doesn't offer much closure to a semester, but I hope I passed.
Just came home from playing some hoops with Alex--lots of fun as always. I won't be seeing him for a little while because he'll be surfing down in Laguna Beach. I'd like to drive down to Socal and visit him and Pamela--that'd be a lot of fun.

[berkeley]

>>

"You haven't changed a thing"
*dramatic sigh* The stark reality of it all is this: Despite my various explications on my aspirations, one of my friends bluntly remarked that I hadn't changed anything. Well, I suppose that's what friends are for. On the contrary, however, I'd have preferred a more gentle retort, but it did the trick nonetheless.

I used to keep all my plans to myself because I didn't want to be the person who was all talk--then I scrapped that because I thought sharing my ideas would impel me to realize them, but alas, I am turning into the person I was trying to avoid. And so, I'm back to Strategy A: tell no one :: save perhaps my blog. And, above all, i'm definitely not telling my friend because I want to shove my new accomplishments in his face---i'm putting this here publicly so i won't be allowed to eat my words anymore.

Next semester, unlike those that preceded it, will accomplish more than completing 4 courses. I owe it to myself.

[berkeley]

>>and the battle's just begun, there's many lost, but tell me who has won?<< U2's "Bloody Sunday"

this week's homily
Went to church tonight rather than tomorrow. The priest incorporated Jorge Luis Borges into his homily. Borges was one of the authors I studied when I was a Senior in high school. I vaguely remember his work, except that his defining style was the concept of non-linear time. His pieces describe time circling back on itself--amazing prose.

So the priest quoted Borges: "We must treat the future as irrevocably as the past."

I'm ashamed to say it, but I can't really remember what the homily was about anymore because I was so intrigued by the quote that I started thinking about how to apply that quote to my life. Live with no uncertainty. I need to think about this more, but i need to get back to my work. More later

[berkeley]

>>
foreword
This entry was inspired by Alex's entry on the commercializing of Christmas.

What about Christmas?
I was upset when I saw another meaningless Holiday commercial. This time the tv displayed little cell phones whose ring tones played "Deck the Halls." Nokia's Christmas tableau really impressed me this time. Celebrate the magic. Hmm, that's a new one.

There's nothing magical about shopping at a mall and frowning upon the people who actually pick up those tasteless electric razors and pokemon alarm clocks whose boxes are already prepackaged in red ribbon and snowflakes--no need for wrapping and only $8.99.
Who buys these things for their loved ones?

Now don't get me wrong, I like presents. But what's the point of buying my friends presents when they're already clothed, fed and sheltered? All the same, Christmas is a fun holiday to spend time with friends and family, and I admit there is a little magical-boy-the-world-is-beautiful feeling whenever December rolls around.

I still find it unsettling, however, that the birth of Christ and the Season of Sharing has become such a commercialized, gaudy and exuberant event. Silly commercialism. Now, how shall I stage my revolt against the Capitalist Christmas?

Random: Isn't it kind of funny that Joseph, Mary, and Jesus were a poor family and they probably didn't have much use for Frankincense and Myrrh--wouldn't it have been better if the 3 Kings hooked Joseph up with a fat position as a Senator? ..."Gosh, Mary, we're sleepin next to donkeys and camels, but this Frankincense sure smells great..."

[berkeley]

>>If I give up on you, I give up on me, if we fight what's true, will we ever be?<< the Calling's "Stigmatized"

Impulses
I was surfing random blogs when I found a 17 year old girl's web journal. She's an aspiring photojournalist and her work looks great.

I wonder why I never considered majoring in Photography back when I was a Senior in high school. Oh yes, I remember now. I brushed it off because it wasn't a real major. Silly me. I like Engineering Physics, but it would have been fun to have gone to NYU or Brooks Institute of Photography in Sta. Barbara to become a photographer---much more interesting than being an engineer. Talk about clouded.

Well, I've chosen my path. I find comfort in the fact that I can get better at photography if I work at it. Even five minutes a day will make me a tiny bit better than I was the day before. Talent and luck inevitably limit the most determined person, but even the Average Joe can go pretty far by putting in the time. I've still got a long way to go.

"Cogito ergo sum..."
Artists have hands down way more sex appeal than tech people. Suppose you're at a party, one person quotes something in Latin or an excerpt from Steinbeck, while another begins to expand upon the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle and Gaussian Wave Packets...I'd be willing to bet that people would be more attracted to the Humanities guy than the Science guy. Oh yeah, the title of this section? "I think therefore I am" by Rene Descartes.

[berkeley]

>>i'm drowning slowly, off the coast and i'm headed nowhere<< ben folds 5's "brick"

intro
after a bit of an absence, i've returned to my blog editor to bring the latest and greatest*>>that's questionable, but it sounds good with the word that precedes it) from my world. I'd have to say, that again i've nothing really insightful to offer, just I'd like to see something new on my web journal. Goodness knows what would happen if i did anything as monstrous as abandon it for more than a week. *gasp* The humanity!

spin this
I'm losing my will to get up in the mornings to do my cardio routine. Last time i took that spinning class, i felt like i wouldn't be able to finish the class. I didn't think i could be so out of shape from not doing cardio for a few days---stupid body.

I read an article in Health magazine today about people losing their willpower around the holidays. At bottom, the article states that sticking to a routine is directly connected to priorities---changing one is the cause or effect of changing the other.

In addition to this, my explanation for not being able to get out of bed is that, like bears, groundhogs, and other fauna, humans get sluggish in the winter time---it's too cold to workout and stay sexy. haha.

Though i suppose my theory can be shot to hell by virtue of my own behavior last year. I went to the gym in the mornings before going to work everyday over winter break. Hmm, i had no lack of willpower last year, only this semester have i begun to stray from my norm. I have yet to figure it out.

nothin' but net
So, because of my lack of willpower this morning, i didn't get up early enough to make it to my spinning class or my aerobics class (i'm tired of that one, goes a little too slow). So, i picked up my basketball and shot some hoops.

Unfortunately, i don't play ball often enough to keep my shot, so everytime i play, i have to spend a half hour or so trying to remember how to shoot. But finally, i hit a groove and i hit an unprecedented 13 free throws in a row (only 2 of which were not swooshes).

I was pretty damned proud of myself. It was so easy too.

boys
I view a significant other as an extension of myself. If i went to a party, for example, his behavior would say a lot about me as well... "oh, so she likes boys with this sense of humor and dress that way."

A friend once told me that people often make the mistake of seeing S.O.'s (signif. others) this way. "They are people," he said, "who make mistakes and live their own lives too." Yet even though i agree and understand this idea, i can't bring myself to accept it and therefore put it into practice.